OR
Mr. R and Mr. B get Roasted
OR
The Heats on in the Kitchen
By: Pete Black
As you know, we at Rampage, always strive to inform as well as to entertain. So, to that end we made arrangements to interview a couple of Union reps concerning the recent contract. However, as often happens with men of power and influence something important came up at the last second and the interview was cancelled.
Well, we of the fourth estate are not that easily put off. So, in lieu of a real interview with an actual person’s account of events dealing with the negotiations and subsequent settlement, here’s how we at Rampage imagine the interview probably would have gone.
Rampage: Mr. B, Mr. R, thanks very much for agreeing to this interview.
Mr. B, Mr. R, (in unison, both beaming): We were glad to participate, we both think Rampage is great, the best.
Rampage: Are you happy with the contract?
Mr. B: Are you kidding? We’re very happy.
Rampage: So, as far as you are concerned what are the high points of this agreement.
Mr. R: Number one, far less work for us. All those meetings, people coming in her wanting to know what’s going on. It’s a real hassle.
Rampage: It all seemed to happen so fast, why was this?
Mr. B: Who wants to waste the summer in a stuffy conference room getting all worked up and eating lousy food?
Rampage: What do you feel are the low points of this deal now that it’s signed?
Mr. R: Everybody is going to come in here and start yelling at us. It gets so… I just want to shut the door and…and…
Mr. B: Easy buddy. You see the kind of toll these negotiations take.
Rampage: How did the vote break down regionally?
Mr. B: Well, we’d really rather not say. We don’t want everybody all mad at each other.
Mr. R: Yeah, why can’t we all just get along…sob!
Rampage: Why do you feel the membership turnout was so low
Mr. B: We can’t figure that one out. I’m pretty sure everybody knew about it. I mean, I told everybody I know.
Mr. R: Maybe some people were on days-off, or vacation, or something like that.
Rampage: Well, what about the low attendance at the monthly meetings? What could be done about that?
Mr. B: Boy those meetings! I can barely keep my eyes open. Talk about boring, somebody yammering on and on about this classification or some grievance. It’s always me, me, me.
Mr. R: …and all that in-fighting. It gets so heated; sometimes, I just…
Rampage: Yeah, we know, if everybody could just get along. But, what can be done to increase attendance?
Mr. B: I don’t know. We could make them shorter, or, maybe, have some entertainment.
Mr. R: But, do we want more people there, all talking and yelling and taking up our time. The meetings will go on even longer.
Mr. B: But, that’s what we want, more people at the meetings.
Mr. R: No, it isn’t.
Mr. B: Yes, it is.
Mr. R: Sez you.
Mr. B: Oh, yeah.
Well you get the idea. Maybe next time we’ll have real people and real information, but don’t hold your breath. This is P.I.A. after all.