Sky High and Losing Our Minds: Flight Attendants Deserve a Medal!

Chris Rock

“Man, let me tell you something about flight attendants! Flight attendants don’t get nearly enough credit for the nonsense they gotta deal with on planes! You ever been on a flight and looked around at the people? Flight attendants gotta handle a whole zoo in the air! It’s like, ‘Here, deal with 200 people who suddenly forget how to act because they’re 35,000 feet in the sky!’”

“And everybody thinks they’re the only one on the plane! ‘Excuse me, miss? Can I get another water?’ ‘Excuse me, I need a blanket.’ ‘Excuse me, why isn’t the Wi-Fi working?’ They ask flight attendants all these questions like they’re the ones who built the damn plane! ‘Yeah, let me go down to the basement and reboot the router for you real quick!’”

“And the safety speech? Man, nobody’s listening! Noooo-body! You got these flight attendants doing a whole Broadway production, pointing out exits, showing you how to buckle a seatbelt like you never seen one before. ‘In case of an emergency, your seat can be used as a flotation device.’ Well guess what? If we hit water from 30,000 feet, I’m gonna be using you as a flotation device!”

“And the food? Don’t even get me started on airplane food! How are flight attendants gonna serve you a meal in a box that looks like it was made by prison chefs? ‘Here you go, sir, here’s your chicken or… uh… mystery meat.’ They gotta serve that stuff with a straight face! I’m like, ‘Chicken? This ain’t no chicken! This thing’s been through so many microwaves, it don’t know what it is anymore!’”

“But the passengers, man, they’re the real problem! You got people bringing their whole house on the plane! Flight attendants gotta deal with some guy stuffing a 50-pound bag into an overhead bin meant for a backpack. And when it don’t fit, who do they call? The flight attendant! ‘Uh, excuse me, it won’t fit.’ Oh, really? Well, maybe because you’re trying to put a mattress up there!”

“And then you got the ‘airplane know-it-alls.’ You know who I’m talking about! These people act like they could run the plane better than the crew! ‘Oh, I think we’re off course.’ ‘I can feel the turbulence, why aren’t we higher up?’ Like, SHUT UP! If you know so much about flying, why don’t you go up there and help the pilots land this thing, huh?!”

“And what’s up with people clapping when the plane lands? What is this, the Oscars? You clapping for the pilot like, ‘Yay, you did your job!’ You don’t clap for the bus driver when you get to your stop! You don’t clap for the Uber driver when they drop you off at the club! But on a plane? ‘Oh yeah, he didn’t crash. Round of applause!’ Meanwhile, the flight attendant’s in the back like, ‘We’re the ones dealing with your crazy ass the whole flight, where’s our applause?!’”

“I’m telling you, flight attendants are superheroes, man. They walk up and down that aisle, smiling, while people are out here acting a fool, asking for peanuts like it’s their last meal. And the turbulence? Oh, they don’t even flinch! The plane is bouncing around like a rollercoaster, and these flight attendants are still pouring coffee like, ‘Everything’s fine, nothing to see here!’ Meanwhile, I’m holding on to my seatbelt like it’s a lifeline!”

“So next time you’re on a plane, give it up for the flight attendants! They’re basically bartenders, therapists, and referees all in one, and they gotta do it all while walking through the sky! It ain’t easy dealing with a bunch of people who lose their minds just because they’re 10 miles up in the air!”