Big Frank: The Calabrese Pizza King of Woodbridge1

Alright, alright, lemme tell you about this guy, Big Frank. Now, Frank’s straight outta Gioiosa in Calabria, where even the olives come with extra swagger, alright? But Big Frank’s not just some guy from Calabria—oh no—he’s a legend. He’s built like a brick pizza oven, and he’s got more stories than his nonna has secret sauce recipes. He’s the kind of guy that when he walks into a room, you start to wonder if the room just got smaller or if it’s Frank. Spoiler alert: It’s Frank.

So, by day, Big Frank’s a Toronto baggage agent, right? Yeah, this guy’s lifting suitcases like they’re nothing. He’s got that Calabrese strength—you know, the kind where you see him toss a 50-pound bag like it’s a loaf of bread and think, “Yeah, I bet this guy could lift a plane if you asked him real nice.” You hand him your luggage, and he’s like, “You’re flying to Italy? Don’t worry, your bag’ll get there before you do. I’ve got connections… and I mean physical connections.”

But by night? Oh boy, by night, Big Frank’s a whole different beast. He’s the pizza king of Woodbridge, and he’s got his YouTube channel—YYZReview—where he reviews pizza like it’s his life’s mission. And lemme tell ya, this guy knows pizza. He’s got a motto, alright? He lives by this: “Never trust a skinny foodie.” And let me tell ya, Big Frank is far from skinny. He’s built like a guy who doesn’t just eat pizza, he lives inside one.

And you know what? He’s right! You gonna trust some guy nibbling on a slice like it’s kale? No! Frank’s the real deal. You know he’s serious when he pulls up to the pizzeria, leans in, and you hear him mutter, “Alright, pizza, let’s see what you’re made of.” Then he gives the crust a look that’s more intense than a Calabrese nonna guarding her pasta al forno on Sunday.

Now, Frank’s got this rating system—1 to 10, right? But it’s the Woodbridge scale, so a 1 in Woodbridge? That’s like a 5 anywhere else. He takes a bite and the whole room stops. It’s like everyone’s holding their breath. You see Frank chewing, nodding, and then he’ll drop his review like, “Alright, this pizza’s a 7… in Woodbridge. But in Mississauga? Eh, they’d probably call it a 9… but they’re different over there.”

Now, when Frank reviews pizza, he doesn’t just eat it—oh no—he analyzes it. It’s like he’s breaking down the crust, the sauce, the cheese. He’ll say stuff like, “This sauce? It’s got more personality than my high school gym teacher. And the crust? It’s crispier than my nonna after I tell her I skipped Sunday dinner.”

But when it’s bad, oh, you’ll know. You ever see a guy take a bite, and you just feel the disappointment? Frank will shake his head like, “This crust? You call this crust? It’s so flat, I could use it as a ramp at Pearson! 3 outta 10, and that’s only because it didn’t burn my mouth!”

And every now and then, someone will question his credentials, right? Some guy in the comments like, “Frank, you ever think you’re too tough on the pizza? Maybe you’re biased!” And Frank’s response? “Buddy, you see this belly? You think this happens by chance? Never trust a skinny foodie. I’ve eaten more slices than you’ve eaten meals. So yeah, I know what I’m talking about!”

But you know what makes Frank a legend? He’s got a heart of gold. Yeah, he’ll rip a pizza apart for having soggy crust or too much sauce, but at the end of the day, he’s a Calabrese man. He’ll look at the camera and go, “Hey, it’s still pizza. Even bad pizza? It’s better than no pizza, am I right?”

So that’s Big Frank for ya. By day, he’s tossing your luggage onto planes, and by night, he’s rating pizzas like a true Calabrese king. And trust me, folks, if you ever meet him, don’t show up empty-handed. Bring pizza—just make sure it’s at least a 7 on the Woodbridge scale. Or else, well… you’ll see why they call him Big Frank.

Grazie mille, Woodbridge!