“Who’s the Captain?” – An Aviation Version of ‘Who’s on First?’
Costello: Hey Abbott! I got a job at the airport!
Abbott: That’s great, Lou. What are you doing?
Costello: I’m supposed to be the guy who directs the planes to the gate. But I can’t figure out who’s flying what! Can you help me out?
Abbott: Sure. You’ve got to know the crew. The Captain’s name is Who.
Costello: The captain’s name is who?
Abbott: Exactly.
Costello: That’s what I’m asking you!
Abbott: I just told you.
Costello: You said the captain’s name is Who.
Abbott: He is.
Costello: So tell me the captain’s name!
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy flying the plane!
Abbott: Who’s flying the plane.
Costello: THAT’S WHAT I’M TRYING TO FIND OUT!
Costello: Okay, okay. Who’s the pilot.
Abbott: That’s right.
Costello: What’s the co-pilot’s name?
Abbott: No, What is the ground crew lead.
Costello: I’m not asking about the ground crew!
Abbott: Then stop bringing them up!
Costello: Fine! The flight attendant. What’s her name?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Yes??
Abbott: Yes is the purser.
Costello: The purser is named Yes?
Abbott: That’s right.
Costello: And the flight attendant?
Abbott: I Don’t Know.
Costello: That’s the baggage handler!!
Abbott: You got it!
Costello: So Who’s flying the plane, What’s on the ground, and I Don’t Know is slinging bags?!
Abbott: You’re catching on fast.
Costello: Don’t patronize me, Abbott. Who’s in the control tower?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: Because I need to know!
Abbott: No, Why’s the air traffic controller.
Costello: I’m not asking why he’s the controller!
Abbott: He’s the best in the biz, that’s Why.
Costello: I give up. I asked Who’s flying the plane, What’s on the ground, I Don’t Know slings the bags, and Yes is pouring ginger ale at 35,000 feet…
Abbott: Exactly.
Costello: And if the plane runs out of fuel?
Abbott: Tomorrow fills the tank.
Costello: Tomorrow?! Who fills it today??
Abbott: Today’s off. He called in sick. Yesterday covered for him.
Costello: I’m gonna need a flight to therapy.