The man. The myth. The mozzarella.
By the editors of AAS — Because This Story’s Too Cheesy for Real Journalism
Toronto Pearson Airport. The baggage belts are jammed. The ground crews are bickering about which bag has a lithium battery and which one just smells like it does. And there, in the chaos of carousel carnage, stands one man:
BIG FRANK A.
Baggage agent. Tie barely tied. Shirt barely tucked. Beard? Glorious.
But when the last Samsonite is hurled onto Flight 692’s cargo hold, Big Frank doesn’t go home like the rest of us. No. He changes into his alter ego…
YYZREVIEW: Pizza Critic. YouTuber. Dough Whisperer.
Armed with a GoPro, a stomach like reinforced concrete, and an uncanny ability to detect oregano with his nostrils, Frank hits the streets of the GTA. His motto?
“From Scarborough slices to Mississauga ‘za — if it’s baked, I break it down.”
EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS:
- Woodbridge Wipeout: Frank tries a “Nonna’s Deluxe” and declares, “Tastes like someone’s Nonna was fighting with the Nonno mid-pizza.” 7.1/10.
- Etobicoke Emergency: A pizza joint gives him a slice so undercooked, he holds it up and says, “This crust is so raw, it still has dreams.” 4.3/10.
- Markham Meltdown: A fusion spot serves him butter chicken pizza. Frank squints at the camera and says, “This is either brilliant… or a war crime.” 6.6/10 with diplomatic immunity.
BACK AT THE AIRPORT:
Frank returns to the ramp after every review.
Coworkers ask, “Hey, how was the za?”
Frank replies, “Great. Gave it a 6.9 — just like the weather at YYZ… mostly saucy with a chance of indigestion.”
Security once stopped him after spotting a pizza cutter in his duffel bag.
He explained:
“That’s not a weapon. That’s how I serve justice.”
FUN FACTS:
- Once reviewed a pizza while loading a flight to Naples. Claimed it was “offensive to Italy and delicious at the same time.”
- Tried pineapple on pizza once. Took a day off work to recover emotionally.
- Rumor has it he keeps a personal stash of crushed red pepper packets in his sock.
So next time you land at Pearson and your luggage comes out sticky with marinara…
Don’t panic.
Just remember: Big Frank A was here.
And somewhere, a slice was judged.
SUBSCRIBE TO: YYZREVIEW
Because every slice tells a story. And Frank’s got the stomach to hear it.
NEXT ISSUE:
“BIG FRANK VS. THE 72-HOUR DELAY — He Came for Bags, Stayed for Beef Patties!”
