Welcome Aboard… Now Grab a Mop!
Meet Chuck, a Cabin Cleaning Attendant.
His résumé includes:
- Hazmat experience
- A black belt in Lysol-Fu
- And a nose that hasn’t worked since Flight 112 from Karachi last spring.
It’s 4:37 p.m.
Flight PK792 from Islamabad has just docked at Gate E73, Pearson Airport.
Passengers disembark.
The cleaning crew boards… and immediately regrets it.
Scene 1: “Seat Pockets of Doom”
Chuck reaches into the first seat pocket.
Pulls out:
- A full mango
- A crumpled Bollywood DVD
- A pair of socks (still warm)
- And a handwritten note that reads, “Sorry, not sorry.”
Chuck (muttering):
“Seat 21B strikes again…”
Scene 2: Galley Galore
The galley looks like it was used to film MasterChef: In Turbulence.
Leftovers include:
- 14 unopened curry trays
- 3 chicken bones arranged like a voodoo offering
- And what might be a cup of yogurt… or grout.
Chuck:
“I swear one of these biryanis just winked at me.”
Scene 3: Bathroom? Or Biohazard?
Chuck opens the lav door slowly—like Indiana Jones opening a cursed tomb.
The smell is described as:
“Eau de Wet Sock in Microwave.”
Toilet paper is everywhere except on the roll.
The mirror is foggy from someone shaving… during final descent.
Chuck dons goggles, gloves, and a gas mask previously used by a fire department.
Scene 4: The Refill Rodeo
Chuck grabs the bin of barf bags, safety cards, and those mysterious navy blue blankets that look like they’ve seen war.
He reloads:
- 200 napkins (100 will be turned into origami birds by toddlers)
- 150 seatback magazines (written in Urdu, chewed in English)
- And exactly zero working pens.
Co-worker Fatima (laughing):
“Refilled the soap dispensers, Chuck!”
Chuck:
“With actual soap, or hopes and prayers?”
Scene 5: Victory Lap… Kinda
After 45 minutes, the crew exits.
The plane sparkles (if you squint hard enough and ignore the curry scent forever burned into your soul).
Just as Chuck removes his gloves, he hears the PA crackle:
“Attention cleaning crew: Air Pakistan Flight 793 arriving early at Gate E74. Please prepare for boarding.”
Chuck drops to his knees, weeping into a pile of unused headrest covers.
The Moral:
Cabin Cleaners are the true aviation warriors.
They fight the funk, they battle the barf, and they reload the magazines…
All while praying that today’s meal service didn’t include lentils.
Next time you recline your seat and find a mysterious peanut stuck to the armrest… thank Chuck.
He tried. He really did.
