So yeah, remember my epic face-off with Bruce Johansson? Well, hold on to your safety vest, because this next tale is just as ridiculous. Picture this: I’m working Zone 5, last Air France flight of the night at Terminal 2. Everyone’s tired. Tempers are thin. Coffee’s been decaf for hours.
My ever-wise ramp manager (a man with the emotional range of a malfunctioning fax machine) tells me to push the plane to Box Stop 1. Sounds simple, right? WRONG. Gate 102 is so tight, you need butter and a prayer to fit anything through it. Meanwhile, aircraft are parked across the alley like they’re in a rush-hour traffic jam at Charles de Gaulle.
Mid-push, the Air France pilot chimes in—cool, calm, and very French:
“We stop at Box Stop 2.”
I respond like a loyal minion:
“Negative, sir. Manager says Box Stop 1.”
Pilot:
“I don’t care what your manager said. The tower said Box Stop 2.”
Translation: “Your manager can yell into a baguette for all I care.”
So I roll on to Box Stop 2 like a good little tug captain. That’s when I spot it. My manager, standing near the Air France rep, doing his best impression of a human popcorn machine—popping off, clipboard flying, arms flailing, face turning that special shade of “ramp rage red.” He’s yelling on the radio like he’s auditioning for Airline Meltdowns: Live on Pay-Per-View.
I ignore the circus. Plane parks on stop 2, Showtime’s over.
I cruise back to Gate 102 like it’s a runway at Paris Fashion Week. He storms over, veins bulging like they’re late for a meeting.
Before he can say anything, I drop the mic:
“Don’t talk to me like that. Take it up with the pilot and the tower.”
Boom. Silence. The Air France rep watches my manager twitch like a glitchy animatronic at a budget wax museum.
I walk away cool, calm, and clipboard-free…
…while my manager just stood there—speechless, twitching, and wondering how he lost control of both the pushback and his dignity.
Moral of the Story:
When caught between a ramp manager and a French pilot, always go with the one who has the jet engines… not the guy with the clipboard and a temper tantrum.
